Everyman's Journal 2011

(my fine art website)

(archived writings and poetry, circa 2002 to 2004)

(archived 2010 writings on the lessons of A Course in Miracles)

http://davidseacord.us1.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=306aba00e6959c604de750bcc&id=62a1ee7045

(archived entries of this years Everyman's Journal)

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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Everyman's Journal 2001, #57

June 5

Sometimes it is good to wait and see where we are being called before we make too many plans....

In these past few weeks since I have sent out a Journal entry, I have been experiencing a series of Higher-Self surgical passages that I have sensed would have impact in my life, so it's been OK with me to not push the river and speak about my journey for a little while. Here's my catching up report...

The first passage/shift occurred shortly after returning to Yuma from my New Mexico trip. I had been living in the assumption that I would continue being my mother's daily support through the planned summer and fall in Oregon and then into the winter back in southern Arizona. But I found another consensus had been developed among my siblings, and I received the message that their view was that I should stop deferring my art career to mom's needs.... that when I was available to help mom, great, but that as I was not 'getting any younger' I needed to be making choices based on what my own career needs were. In other words, do what you need to do, we'll make sure Mom will be OK.

Getting that message opened up new space and changed the possible future choices inside me... and took me to the question: "Well God, what should I do with this life now?" Initially, the answer was to 'get things in order', so I found myself doing a lot of doing. I finished building a storage shed that I have long needed, I accomplished a major re-setting of my office functionality, including doing an inventory of many boxes of collected contacts, info packets, etc that had been recognized as potential connections but that had become just piles of boxes; I unpacked and got my painting studio functional again (after having stored it for safety while I had been in NM), I did a bunch of mechanical maintenance jobs on my Sidekick... plus I returned to my regular yoga disciplines.

But spiritually, since writing Journals #56 & #57, I have also been stepping 'as willingly led as possible' through some long-awaited stages of Self-seeing, in essence more deeply surrendering to God's guidance in my life, and to a higher level of 'putting things in order'. Out of my experience of the emotional head-on collision I experienced as I was leaving New Mexico when I stepped (I'm committed that it will be 'the last time') into the fantasy world of 'instant and idealized personal relationship' investment, I discovered I still had some unclarity within me in that domain. Right on time, via one of you, Universal Perfection sent me profound information on the subject, in the form of an article about the ACIM teaching of Jesus on sex that I had not known existed (It's not in the published Course, but instead found only in the original transcriptions). I digested the information and have been doing the surgery it presents as 'required'...that miracle-workers MUST understand. I am now clear that what my work on myself regarding sexual or relationship fantasy is to pull each one (as they may occur) 'out by the roots', working through them to gain a true and masterful freedom to be with any other being without that energy inappropriately coloring that moment or it's future. In other words, becoming desireless or sexually clean. Of course, that means Yes, I have also recognized that until Universe in it's wisdom provides me with a personal companion of God's choosing (if ever, as that is now completely in Divine hands), I am to be committed to being celibate. This so helpful for me to see, as to both be in and be not in 'the mating market' has been a lifelong source of personal confusion, and one, frankly, that I now see has in the past been a major Achilles hell which has sabotaged so many of my intentions to bring God's good into this world. So that this is where things are for me on that very human front is one of my 'reports of the day'.

Another report is that for a number of reasons having to do with my physical health, about two weeks ago I realized it was again time to do another water fast. So I water-fasted for 6 days, receiving phone and skype support from my friends who are experts in that process. And, while it did have a greatly benefitting impact on my body, it also turned out to be a lot about my 'spiritual body'.... in other words, it was a fast where I experienced a lot of Vision. And, in particular, Vision related to the theme of 'my life's work'... in other words, answers to my question "Well God, what should I do with this life now?".

Which brings up revealing that there is one area of my life's work in the past that I have generally not spoken about in my recent writings (I did mention it once in one of the earlier ACIM Commentaries though). And during this fast, a much greater clarity about that area arose for me, in part because the failure of that Vision to manifest fully... twenty-five-some years ago... was at least partially related to my personal sexual achilles heel (my 'longing for my soul-mate' was how it occurred to me then), which for I as a single man in my late thirties and early forties was a much greater challenge than now. That work was then called 'The Love Declaration', which I authored in 1985-86 as the fruit of a years-long spiritual inquiry sadhana, and which was originally birthed as a huge vision of planting millions of 'spiritually initiatory seeds' throughout the entire world in the form of a personal Declaration and Promise to God, thus aiding individuals in their personal evolution and in sum, bringing into being a triggering of the Great Transformation of Life on this planet. In practicality, it manifested as about two years of me being a 'wandering lightworker' throughout the western US, creating small spiritual singer/songwriter concerts, leading weekend Love Declaration seminars, speaking at churches or impromptu home gatherings as invited, and occasionally getting on radio shows or be interviewed by other media, as I shared the Vision of the Declaration. It was a magical journey in many ways...I was guided purely by grace in that work, I was supported by donations from many good people, and I was continually learning I could absolutely depend on God's miracles of synchronistic 'chance' meetings or referrals to open the next door and show me where I was to go and what to do there. But as I have indicated, my personal desire for 'my mate' corrupted the purity of the work when I was unclear about sexual boundaries and I started having brief affairs, and eventually I realized I was 'out of integrity' and had become a fallen prophet... for while I could offer wise counsel and love to others, I did not yet truly love myself fully. In my personal shame about this, I believed I could no longer do the work, and because of that belief, the Love Declaration (as an active planetary transformation project) ceased to exist in the fall of 1989.

At that point I continued my fall into negative space, discovering that there was still a huge amount of 'not-love' inside me, creating a relationship based on mutual loneliness, fathering a son (now twenty and absolutely wonderful) within that relationship just as it was inevitably failing, and feeling totally trapped by that, I was caught in a soul darkness that lasted several years, until by Grace of God, I met Gangaji, who became a spiritual teacher for me. Even with her help, my climb back into the Light was slow, as my faith in myself was not then strong. When my son and his mother moved to Oregon, I followed, becoming a hermit living deep in the northwest woods, and there discovered painting as my self-expression. Obviously that changed my life, and I became a 'lightworker' of a different sort. Still, even with the success of as beautiful a career as being a spiritual painter, I have never forgotten my work with 'The Love Declaration'.... and while I have dreamed many times over the years of re-lauching this Work, I have not felt fully ready to do so, or that I had redeveloped the personal Vision to take a public stand for it again. However, when last year I began writing the ACIM commentaries, I did know those writings were to be part of Spirit's curriculum preparing me to re-launch The Love Declaration into 'the world'. So you see, this is not something sudden... it is something I have been preparing for for a long time.

And while I was fasting, something finally ripened and clicked in.... I began to remember a line from Psalms 23...('The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want' etc)...you remember that one? But the line that I was connecting to was 'And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil'. In my fast, that line 'I will fear no evil' kept returning to me over and over again like a mantra, working itself inside me. And suddenly I saw its profound personal relevance to me.... that in a world frantically beating the drums of fear, intensely trying to keep you/us/me contracted, in it was the promise of my new destiny... that in spite of all the darkness in this world, that I, knowing I AM a Son of God, could now do my actual work in this world, which is very simply: 'to fear no evil' and to live in freedom and Love. And I was shown that not only was this my actual work, but that it was actually possible for me to live it! As my heart chose this Vision of my life, I got deeply that the time to re-begin the ministry of the Love Declaration had arrived, and (as the times and ways of connecting are so vastly different now compared to the late 1980's) I am now receiving guidance as to the practical ways to configure this renewed mission. There are many possibilities obviously, and there have been confirmation signs given also.... for example, one sign appeared yesterday morning: I googled 'The Love Declaration' and discovered that a young mother in Hawaii had recently very eloquently posted it on YouTube. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqO5wBzTTqA). Also, a few days ago, I was led to another amazing interview on YouTube, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feZqzZUV19w) with a Chilean woman named Inelia Benz who spoke so completely truly about our lightworker missions that in a way, it felt specifically meant for me. I received her activation and confirmation willingly....

So there it is, my report, and my announcement of my acceptance of my re-newed calling. That manifesting this Vision would appreciate your partnership goes without saying. I include The Love Declaration below in a form slightly changed from the original, as I have been guided to see it is a necessary improvement. (After 'I Declare' I've added the words 'I AM and'... otherwise it is the same as the original version).

I send you my peace, I ask for your blessings and prayers, and I welcome your partnership in whatever way you are guided to offer. Together, let us move our world forward into the Love that we all actually are. There IS only one of us here.

Pre-PS... On a different subject, this past Thursday I also underwent two 'necessary but unplanned-for' major dental surgeries. I would also very much appreciate your healing energies being focused on my body in support of it's rapid and complete recovery. Thank you for that also.

Namaste,

David

The Love Declaration

-A Covenant-

I am your partner

in awakening

from fear.

From this moment on,

at all times,

under all conditions,

I Declare I AM

and I will be,

for All Beings,

A Conscious Source

of Absolute Love;

and I promise,

I will serve only

this Love,

in you,

in me,

and in All,

no matter what,

for the rest of my life.

***********************************

My partnership request.... Please consider yourself an important gateway this message is passing through on its way to others. Please do 'send it on'. Thank you.

***********************************

Rev. David Seacord

Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag

(my fine art website)

(archived writings and poetry, circa 2002 to 2004)

(archived 2010 writings on the lessons of A Course in Miracles)

http://davidseacord.us1.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=306aba00e6959c604de750bcc&id=62a1ee7045

(archived entries of this years Everyman's Journal)

To subscribe, simply click on the code below to open the subscribe window.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Everyman's Journal 2011, #56

May 14

In sharing with you the way the universe is maximizing the learning and growth available to me from my recent emotional adventures (described in EJ #55), what I am seeing right now is that the whole 'detour into the crash lane' began at a certain initiatory moment with a personal invitation to 'have something to eat together' after the event we had chance-met at was over, AND at that moment I did NOT REMEMBER TO ASK for guidance about that. Yet when I now examine that exact moment in my memories, I can clearly remember feeling a sense of 'being in the question'... i.e., I was aware of a sense of uncertainty about whether to invite or not going on inside me. What that means to me is that there was a signal light that was at least yellow (i.e., Caution) that I just sped through.

Why? Because of the clamoring within me of the many voices of personal desire. Essentially, I forgot who I AM, and collapsed back into my habitual personal identity with it's associated historical strings of dreamings, some of which have to do with fulfilling the vision of a picture perfect relationship.

There is something to learn from seeing this, right? Obviously, this is right at the core of the real purpose of sadhana: to strengthen our ability to walk freely through the illusions of the world without touching them or being seduced by them. It really is as simple as continually remembering what is true, and what is not true. This is about maintaining a clear discernment then, which I failed in doing, thus creating a misadventure.

Yet, as A Course in Miracles teaches, God will (and obviously does) use every circumstance in our lives as teaching opportunities, and can extract golden pearls of wisdom from our worst nightmares. That is just how grace works, which is all based upon the greatest grace of all.... that our Creator is NEVER confused about who we are.... similarly to how a mother never forgets who a child is that she has given birth to.

But, as an early teacher of mine has said: It doesn't NEED to be that way. In other words, we don't HAVE TO learn our life lessons in the crash lanes. We could simply choose to become willing to learn by the path of deep listening. Of course, that is an intentional choice, as distinct from the path of sleepwalking through life learning from whatever we happen to crash into. Somehow I sense that a lot of us think that the sleepwalking route is somehow 'more fun'. I think I am becoming willing to unlearn that.

I think a better path is available. If I had been authentically present back at that invitation moment, I would have heard my guidance's caution whisper, and I could have remembered to ask. I see what was true is that on a subtle level I did hear, but I pretended that I didn't... because I didn't want to hear. Sort of like a drunk who knows he's drunk, but wants 'just one more drink anyway'.

As Papaji often said: "If you touch it, it will bite you." Said another way: the easiest way to stay sober is by not drinking.

Namaste,

David

***********************************

My partnership request.... Please consider yourself an important gateway this message is passing through on its way to others. Please do 'send it on'. Thank you.

***********************************

Rev. David Seacord

Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag

(my fine art website)

(archived writings and poetry, circa 2002 to 2004)

(archived 2010 writings on the lessons of A Course in Miracles)

http://davidseacord.us1.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=306aba00e6959c604de750bcc&id=62a1ee7045

(archived entries of this years Everyman's Journal)

To subscribe, simply click on the code below to open the subscribe window.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Everyman's Journal 2011, #55
© 2011 Rev. David Seacord
May 13

Everything happens in God's timing, no exceptions. It cannot be otherwise, for there is no place or time that is outside of God.

I have in the past forgotten this often, and when I do, I dream the false ego dreams that I call 'my reality'. Perhaps I shall discover a even greater cornerstone of my personal illusions sometime in the future than todays entry reveals, but if so, that too will be by God's grace, and in God's timing. Right now I have only this to report:

After about a week of seemingly 'holding it together', I cracked open yesterday morning in yoga class from seeing something clearly, and as if for the first time... the impact of seeing it emotionally paining my heart and leaving me profoundly grieving and weeping.... as quietly as I could, but unable to stop it's flow.

In class, there had been 'a pushing of the practice' going on, which took me to the edges of physical exhaustion. And it was exactly then that the insight abruptly arrived: a sudden recognition that I was trapped... that I was caught in a particular paradigm.... and that I had been trapped in it for a very very long time, AND (at that moment), that I did not have any idea how to go beyond it---that for me, until that moment, there was no beyond it. I saw that my whole life, to this point, had been lived inside this paradigm, that I had been forever attempting to find my joy and happiness there, but that that had NEVER worked (permanently...it always seemed to work for a little while, but then it would collapse... and I would make up a reason why, try to learn how to be more skillful etc, but I had never before really doubted the paradigm. Even though I could speak like I knew about it, and I could see it's effects in others, within myself and about myself I never authentically saw it. It has been invisible to me, like water is to a fish.) Thus I saw I was doomed, for if this was all I knew, and yet it never worked, I knew I was lost.

The paradigm? Simply put, what I saw was that even after 'giving my life to God' ---that my actual Supreme God (the 'God ABOVE my God') is 'a woman'. Meaning, I have been both consciously and unconsciously believing that for this 'me' to become really whole and really happy, something MORE than Knowing God was necessary.... that someday I would HAVE TO find the right woman, and only then would life finally become 'perfect, and as it is supposed to be, complete and whole'. It is a horrible entrapment of course, for I see this paradigm, this emotionally outward projection has cost me dearly in many ways, one major cost being that it has diminished my authentic interest in discovering who I actually AM or how to actually Love my Self. In other words, energy that could have been used to grow spiritually has instead been used chasing a dream. And until today I have been unconscious of and blind to the profound depth of my entrapment. And I have also been very dense, for even though I have been given the message time and time again throughout the entirety of my life that 'a woman isn't IT', sub-consciously I have doggedly refused to believe it.... REALLY. Moreover, even though I am (perhaps) more socially skilled than I was as a puppy, and my response triggers are more refined and discerning (so that I can usually move freely amongst most woman in a sane way).... still, given a triggering by a well-personified example of my particular female ideal (as you may correctly surmise recently happened [during my time in New Mexico]), I have consistently swallowed the hook and worshipped the current her as my completion (instead of God).... and then inevitably suffered.... sometimes quickly, and sometimes after a considerable time had past.

As I already said, yesterday I saw: 1. my 'ego-I' doesn't know how to do anything else, and 2. (this is the ego-death one which rips my reality apart at it's seams).... I see my 'I's' dream of a Goddess-woman appearing in my life and being 'The ONE' is NEVER NEVER NEVER gonna happen. I found myself just sobbing on that one....to see that it's all been a huge lifetime-long illusion, and that it cannot ever be made Real. Oh God, how could I have been so blind? (I am not, by the way, saying I will never meet or partner with a wonderful woman... I am simply saying that my version --- the fairy tale dream that promises that she will be 'the ONE'--- [meaning an external replacement or substitute for my own self-discovery of my indwelling Christos].... that that can never happen in Reality. For I now see it is impossible for any 'special relationship' to actually fill my heart with the authentic DIVINE LOVE which is God's alone to give --uniquely-- to each one of us).

As I have climbed upward for a week across the ruins of my dream, by now of course I can see this has all happened and this growth/reality-confront is available to me right now because I swallowed the hook. I.e., true growth is always best learned by direct experience, and is not just intellectual.

The story? Briefly, if you insist. Recently, a "perfect-looking/feeling" (according to my secret wish list) 'she-trigger' was sent into my life, right on time, to give me God's 'trigger gift' of an instant and seemingly very deep heart-union. Spirit did not waste any time on honeymooning though, for immediately, as soon as my emotions were 'positively bonded', the pain began arising for both of us, and quickly thereafter (playing her part perfectly) came her necessary complete abandonment, for which I was totally unprepared. Hence, suddenly and capriciously thrown out of Heaven and into mourning, and dragging around my burst bubble like a security blanket, the emotional contrasts that I have experienced throughout this past week as I have flipped between acceptance of and/or resistance to yet another 'relationship failure' would have been very good material for soap-opera drama writers... (an aside: there is this thing in psychology called 'the emotional tone scale.... which from low to high goes like this: unconscious, apathetic, grief/shame, anger, pain, and finally, acceptance. Then above that comes the happier emotions.) Anyway, since I have been 'in resistance to my abandonment', I been 'being intimate' with the lower part of the list a lot this past week. One point in particular I have been super stuck on: my spiritual pride's extreme shame that I was even going through something like this... again.... like, how could I admit to anybody that this was even happening? To me? So I pretty much isolated, couldn't/didn't write any journal entries, couldn't/didn't talk much about it to anybody, and just suffered from the (to me) obvious senselessness of this one-sided reversal, which left me feeling terribly incomplete. It was initially quite hard to find sane thoughts inside my head to work with, but gradually, appreciated help began to arrive--- mostly over internet links to consciousness sites.

My other stress relievers have been hard work, watching several movies, and my daily yoga classes, which of course, move energy. And, yesterday by God's grace, I cracked open there.
__________________________________________

Yes, I can now see I have been blessed, and the exposure of this paradigm is a very great spiritual gift that I have actually been in a partnership with God in creating, and that it probably couldn't have happened for me any other way. I am praying for the courage to accept the lesson deeply, so that my ego-I just doesn't do it's habitual denial/forgetting patterns... but instead that I be the master I AM, and allow the surgery to continue however necessary to gain an authentic completion. I see I AM now in an amazing grace-guided healing process which will free me of this immensely limiting paradigm and give me the possibility of a new life of true Self-Love....the kind that I have many many times heard testimony about, yet have only partially known as an ongoing daily reality. If you will, I am asking that you hold me in a well-lighted visioning of the same, plus including me in your thoughts and prayers, as I could use them. I also ask that you send the same light to the soul-friend who played the trigger/abandonment role for me, as I know that in her personal world, she has also been climbing over the tear-drenched ruins of her life's dreams also. It is not necessary to reveal any details about her... if you simply intend your light to find her, it will.

I humbly thank you...

Namaste,

David

My partnership request.... Please consider yourself an important gateway this message is passing through on its way to others. Please do 'send it on'. Thank you.

***********************************
Rev. David Seacord
Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag
david@davidseacord.com

www.davidseacord.com
(my fine art website)

www.davidseacord-everymansjournal.blogspot.com
(archived writings and poetry, circa 2002 to 2004)

www.davidseacord-acimcommentaries.blogspot.com
(archived 2010 writings on the lessons of A Course in Miracles)

www.everymansjournal2011.blogspot.com
(archived entries of this years Everyman's Journal)

To subscribe, simply click on the code below to open the subscribe window.

http://davidseacord.us1.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=306aba00e6959c604de750bcc&id=62a1ee7045

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Everyman's Journal 2011, #54

May 4

On my knees again, writing.... my heart giving thanks for a safe return trip to my monk-like life in this rapidly warming southwestern Arizona desert. Suddenly wearing shorts and a tank top instead of winter clothing (it was snowing in Santa Fe as I left), in the early light I have inspected my surviving garden plots and been delighted by the near thunderous chorus of dawn-trumpeting birdsongs emanating from the branches under which my nomadic diesel turtle-shell mobile art studio home has parked patiently, awaiting my return from this past months adventures in New Mexico. I imagine she (Beauty, my studio truck) was my 'stand-in guardian' for my mother in my absence, similar to how I am standing-in for my departed father with her, as Beauty was concrete proof that I would return.

And I have, and yet differently, as it is the nature of travel to accelerate growth and produce new visions to open into in this life. That we each have unlimited choices becomes self-obvious whenever we journey out of the (perhaps too routine) routines we had been living in..... counter-balanceing the positive patterning that we gain from good sadhana practice with a revival of the presence of the infinity upon which we actually exist. Yet, it is with gratitude that I let the roll of the wheels stop and return to the routine labors in my makeshift studio here next to my mothers life, remembering that in time, all good things arrive.

One blessing in particular I will mention.... on the overnight journey I camped at one of my favorite painting spots in the desert north of Phoenix, and in the morning, added a bit of oil to my Sidekicks engine. Somehow I failed to remember to put the engine oil cap back on. Many miles later, coming to my first stoplight in metro Phoenix, I became aware of oil smoke billowing out from under my hood, quickly pulled off the road to investigate, and had my suspicions confirmed when I saw the cap was gone. As my mind was generating plans to deal with this (scanning my supplies for rag-like material to wad up and plug the port temporarily so I could get to an autoparts store and buy a new cap) I hear a small voice inside me suggest that I search the engine compartment to make sure the cap was actually lost---- ie, that maybe (as the cap had fallen off the battery where I had placed it while adding oil) it had been somehow caught, instead of falling out onto the ground. Feeling a little hope at the idea (but not much) I decided to do the search. At first it seemed I was going to come up empty-handed.... then suddenly I saw it, improbably wedged between a wire and the frame, just before it would have fallen to the ground. Thank you !!!! Thank you, Thank you!!! arose in gratefulness and gratitude from my heart.... Voice of God, I love you.

A bit later, in a waiting room, I opened a magazine, and my eyes fell upon an article entitled "The Gifts of Gratitude"....

May you/I live this day awake, knowing we are surrounded by Love's Guiding Presence.

Namaste,

David

***********************************

My partnership request.... Please consider yourself an important gateway this message is passing through on its way to others. Please do 'send it on'. Thank you.

***********************************

Rev. David Seacord

Fine Art Painter / Sufi Cherag

(my fine art website)

(archived writings and poetry, circa 2002 to 2004)

(archived 2010 writings on the lessons of A Course in Miracles)